We are not to show emotion and we are not supposed to cry. Men are men and you cannot act differently. We evolve to know that only women are supposed to have emotions and men are supposed to be decisive. If you were to describe a fashionable, straight male who took care of their skin and cared about their friendships in the ’90s, they would be described as heterosexual. Now more than ever, this society is trying to accept people of all gender and sexual orientation. The resistance comes from people believing that others should “be who they were born to be” and that is it. This is the larger scope of the argument that men should be men and in turn be tough and emotionless. The societal norm of males being masculine is what hinders the growth and life of so many people. In today’s culture, boys are taught to restrict their emotions. The words “I love you” are an obscure phrase only said to your mother on special occasions. The phrase “be a man” is uttered equally as much as the words “I love you” in a young boy’s life. Terms such as “no homo” are used now to distance kids from their friends because sharing your feelings is something that only kids who are attracted to other kids of the same gender express. What will society gain from suppressing basic human emotions deep into the minds of young children? It will cause young, frustrated men who have no outlet to share their anger, sadness, and loneliness.
The suicide rate in males is four times higher than that of their female counterparts. This comes from a combination of many societal factors. The expectations of a male to live up to their stereotypes and conform to society is a major factor as to why depression and suicidal tendencies are higher. Another factor that stems from this, is that a person unable to live up to those expectations mentioned. They are ousted by their community and categorized as someone highly feminine because they embrace their emotions too well. This is a topic no one enjoys talking about because in many ways people can relate to it.
Bryn Athyn College has a horrible culture that involves this undertone of toxic masculinity. It is known that this is a small school and many students can be categorized as an athlete and athletes are seen to be rugged and embrace the stereotypical stigmas. In this community, conforming to societal “norms” for males is being tough and sarcastically hazing your peers. Males are to understand their roles and play them well. I want to believe I’m different; I understand my emotions and I am not afraid to be going against the grain in the community I exist in. I love fashion and art and I don’t hold back in my passions. I have heard my share of noise at this school and at the end of the day; noise is exactly what it is. Someone else may not be too keen to brush situations off as I may be. Someone here may be hurting, or someone here may be suicidal; no one will know, and no one will listen to the warning signs.
We were always told that we need to disconnect emotionally to become a man. If you are ever blessed with being able to raise a child; let them know it is okay to cry or feel angry. Emotions are a human response to stimulation. Let your kids feel what they feel and work through their emotions in a healthy way. The only way of breaking the cycle of toxic masculinity is by educating the new generation of kids for them to be able to understand others and themselves. Let us empower males to feel what they feel because they need to live long enough to understand that their feelings are only temporary.
While I am certainly aware of toxic masculinity, I am sorry to hear it's on display at BAC and I applaud you for taking a stand. I have worked hard to raise boys that are not afraid to tell their male friends they love them, and to hug and kiss their mama in public and to talk about their feelings at the breakfast table. I remember my younger son telling his male tennis coach he loved him at age 5, and this coach was so horrified and embarrassed and nervously deflecting that it broke my heart, not for my kid, who went on to love and hug another day, but for whoever or whatever told this coach that he couldn't…
Interesting topic Ricky! It's certainly healthy to express emotions. I do think that this is an area that men should feel more comfortable in. I think there is more opportunity for human connection if individuals know what the other is feeling.
II actually watched a video on how gender norms effect children both males and female. the idea was to remove anything that implied gender to either male or female students. One of the observations reported was that boy often over estimate their skills and if they preform under that level especially far worse they were more likely to act out with rage. I believe that study and what you are saying here correlate to each other. I hope that more parents will raise all of their kids to be resilient while also teaching them to express their emotions in positive ways.
Thanks for this post- super important topic, Interesting insight on BAC also.
:D